Ah, the holiday season — filled with joy, festive cheer, and maybe just a pinch of family drama! Let’s be real: navigating holiday interactions can sometimes feel like a game of emotional dodgeball. But fear not! Setting boundaries is like having a trusty shield that helps you enjoy the festivities without the stress.

What is a boundary?

A boundary is a limit you set regarding other people’s words or actions towards you. You can set different boundaries with different people.  

Good boundaries can:

• Create positive rapport
• Promote mutually productive collaborations
• Ensure smooth, effective communication
• Define and clearly communicate expectations
• Protect your time and energy
• Prevent over-complicating and common pitfalls
• Enable both individual growth and stronger partnerships, and
• Help handle challenging conversations

Boundaries that are inconsistent or weak, on the other hand:

• Build walls instead of fences
• Allow you to say "yes" to another meeting while your family dinner gets cold
• Letting your quick check of emails turn into a 2-hour anxiety spiral when your phone buzzes with work messages at 11 pm
• Sacrifice your weekends for other people's emergencies, or
• Allow your mental health to suffer while you keep pushing through.

To be effective, boundaries should be clear, internalized, and designed to improve collaborative and respectful behavior — without any expectation of others changing their actions. Here’s an example:

Scenario: You're feeling pressured to follow a particular career path that your family endorses, but your heart is set on a completely different direction. You might set a boundary by saying, “I appreciate your concern and support, but I’ve decided to pursue my passion for art instead of joining the family business. I’d love to share more about my journey and how excited I am about it!” This way, you’re making it clear that while you value their opinions, you’re in charge of your choices.

Tips for setting boundaries:

• Stand up for yourself, but don’t attack the other person
• Be polite, calm, and confident.
• State your boundary and preferred alternative action.
• Don’t argue, apologize, or make excuses

Making the effort to set clear boundaries and manage interactions during the holidays can mitigate stress and improve relationships.

How do you handle people who violate your boundaries?

Things you can do to ensure your boundaries are respected include redirecting topics to safe subjects, ignoring the offense and engaging positively with someone else, and avoiding apologies or arguments. Be ok with saying “We’re not talking about this right now.”

Preparing a few neutral conversational topics or fun games ahead of time can make it easier to steer discussions away from conflict and towards more enjoyable interactions. When you change the subject, be loud and proud with your new topic. Start positive, inclusive conversations. 

Here are a few conversational topics that everyone can enjoy:

• Favorite family traditions or memories
• Recent or planned travel
•  Recent books, movies, or TV shows people have enjoyed
•  Hobbies or new skills anyone has picked up recently
• Favorite family games everyone feels comfortable joining in (charades, board games, Mad Libs, etc.) 
• A gratitude circle, where each person shares something they’re thankful for

If necessary, leave the conversation. Get up and take a long break, a bit of personal time in another room, or a walk around the block. State the violated boundary before leaving. 

If you decide to leave the situation entirely, get up after stating the boundary, say your polite goodbyes, and leave.  

Setting boundaries isn’t about building walls; it’s about creating a setting where everyone can thrive and have a blast! Remember, setting and working with boundaries can be hard, and it takes time to create change in yourself and others. Be compassionate with yourself and others, and don’t give up!  With the right boundaries, you can navigate this festive season with joy.