1. The glow from the number of active screens in your home means you neglect to notice you haven't bought a lightbulb since 2014.

  2. You find you're unable to brush more than three teeth at a time before moving on to that all-important toenail clipping.

  3. You ask your more science-y friends if there's any kind of timeline in place for modern medicine to develop those Doctor Octopus arms from Spider-Man 2, minus, y'know, the evil.

  4. You're only comfortable talking on the phone when there's a call waiting.

  5. The soles of your shoes may wear away at an alarming rate, BUT those chairs you bought in '03 look like they're fresh from the showroom!

  6. You would say that you'd sleep when you're dead, but you've got a brunch thing scheduled that day.

  7. "Getting a little freelance work done while relaxing in the park" means making several explanations to law enforcement that you, in fact, did NOT rob the nearby electronics store – given that you are surrounded by quite the tech-loving virtual office.

  8. Your grocery list consists only of foods that can be folded up and held in one hand.

  9. You don't just sleepwalk, you sleepwalk while sleep-chewing-gum, sleep-patting-your-head AND sleep-rubbing-your-belly at the same time!

  10. You simultaneously complete EVERY SINGLE item on your freelance to-do list... three weeks after you simultaneously BEGAN every single item on your to-do list!


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