Commuting! Many people think of it as “a pain” or “onerous” or “a slow-moving hellscape tour through our nation’s crumbling infrastructure, illustrating perfectly the wealthy upper classes’ continuing indifference to the fate of the worker” – but not you, Freelancer!

Check out these common methods of commuting, and the perfect way to turn each into focused freelance times – never wasting a precious working hour on “reading” or “listening to podcasts” or “interacting with fellow humans”:

Car:

If you commute by car, you’re in luck, freelancer! All of those formerly useless road rage incidents are a great way to explore some creative viral marketing!

You think you’re infamous for your fender-benders now? Just wait until you rear-end some guy with a van that says “MIKE’S FREELANCING SERVICE (ALL FREELANCING, NO WAITING).”

Talk about memorable first impressions! He’ll never forget your business’ name, even as you flee the scene. That sort of instant brand recognition is invaluable and irreplaceable, which is exactly what you’ll tell the police.

What are they, gonna arrest you for being SO INNOVATIVE?

Train / Subway:

If you’re one of the millions of people who take the subway to work every day, count yourself blessed – you’ve got prime exposure to a great market! After all, you and other commuters are all trapped in a tiny, smelly, dirty metal tube together, often stalled underground, pressed tightly together with no opportunity for exit. Who wouldn’t welcome a little mandatory entertainment?

Take this opportunity to refine your PowerPoint presentations; practice out loud, early and often. Really get in people’s faces with your elevator pitch. Shout your hourly rate over and over again until somebody pays you. Don’t take no for an answer – especially from the conductor.

Bike:

Oh, aren’t YOU responsible? What are you, Mr or Mrs. Fitness? Oh, look at you, with your little spandex tights and your organic snacks or whatever, with your low resting heart rate and your “endorphins” and your “health” and your “energy” and your “ecologically responsible lifestyle.”

Why do you need advice at all SINCE YOU’RE JUST SO PERFECT.

PS: can you please teach me how to shift gears?

Walking:

Walking is probably the oldest form of commuting, besides “oozing”, but primordial slime-molds were notoriously unreliable freelancers. Relish the purity of this activity! Walking to work provides endless opportunities to clear your head!

Personally, I get my best work done while commuting from my bed to my couch.

Private Jet:

Private jet? Why are you reading this? Go back to hunting your servants.

Kate Shea lives and works in New York City, where she consumes an inordinate amount of Sriracha daily. You can catch up with her on Twitter at @katerone.